Dear Rachel & Mary,

Can sex be satisfying without orgasms?

A: Satisfaction is in the eyes of the beholder. A large percentage of women have never had orgasms and describe their sex lives as very satisfying. Don’t get us wrong—we are big fans of orgasms.  

We get testimonials every day from women telling us about how great it felt to use the products that are out there in order to achieve a great orgasm, since that is what we work toward: sexual satisfaction, not only for the man but for the woman as well. Those really make us smile. But most importantly, it is key that you find sexual satisfaction however you define it—emotionally, physically, or all in one.

However, if you are concerned that something physical might be interfering with your ability to have an orgasm, you should consult your health-care professional. We wish you a continued happy and healthy sex life.

If you have a question for Rachel and Mary, visit them at Zestra.com and Check out their new show on The Balancing Act on Lifetime!

Dear Rachel & Mary,

I am not comfortable introducing products or toys in the bedroom with my husband. Is there a way to make this a little bit easier without insulting him? I really want spice up our sex life.

A:  First of all, being comfortable in a sexual situation is the most important element. Intimacy is as much emotional as it is physical. I think you might be pleasantly surprised that most men are really excited about the idea that their partners are introducing “something new” to the experience or even talking about sex.  

Start small, add something that you are comfortable experimenting with, whether you are talking about massagers, oils, lotions, or toys, there are all different ways to improve arousal, desire and satisfaction for women.

Again, make sure you are comfortable first and then your partner will be able to do the same.

Have fun and get the spice you deserve!

A:  We can’t tell you how often we hear the same question. Women everywhere are asking, “What about me?” And it certainly seems right that women should have a hand in bringing back some spark into their intimate lives.  

The answer probably won’t surprise you. Women are much more complicated than men. Seriously, the female sexual response cycle is much more complex than for men. The mind, body, and the setting all have an impact on how we feel—how interested, how aroused, how satisfied—meaning we have a whole lot going on in the bedroom. As a result, finding “solutions” that impact so many parts of us is a much harder nut to crack.  

We recommend introducing something new in the bedroom, and we want to tell you not to be embarrassed to do it. When it comes to women, it’s not so easy for us girls to get the conversation started when it comes to what takes place in the bedroom. 

Meantime, we think it’s just a matter of time before the industry catering to women’s products is equal to that of men’s.

If you have questions about sex, email us! And, check out our show on The Balancing Act on Lifetime, weekday mornings.

The current economic climate is creating dramatic lifestyle changes…as job losses, under employment, and drastic belt-tightening become more commonplace in cities across the country.  Divorces are down, the lowest rates recorded this decade.  But pundits believe they are likely to soar as soon as signs of the weakened economy lift.  Why?   They reason that many couples facing marital discord are delaying filing for divorce because of the high costs associated with it.

What can couples do to prevent splitsville?  How can they use this togetherness…voluntary or necessary…to strengthen their relationships?  What’s the right strategy to glue together fractured relationships so couples stick with each other after the economy rebounds?

.  Recognize the root of any problems.   If you let a schism chip away at intimacy shared during good times, soon it will completely unravel, relates the couple.

.   Make the most of unexpected closeness:  With unemployment and underemployment affecting many couples in all socio-economic classes, it may mean one or both partners may be spending more time at home.     Use this time to reconnect with your partner as a friend…and lover.

.  Find a common interest and pursue it together, so you establish new common ground beyond kids, your job, and yourselves.

.  Offer Emotional Support:   Show your spouse you are supportive of his or her needs.  Talk through the difficulties of recent changes in your life together.

.  Avoid sweating the small stuff:   Despite any economic blues that may be affecting your life, practice domestic bliss at home.  Rediscover gracious living…and entertain with friends and neighbors.

.  If you have rainy day dollars tucked away, start a home improvement project together. 

.  Start with the bedroom.  Turn the master suite into a room you will both treasure.  Start to take the relationship out of stalled and back to start with little changes.   Arrange the room with candles and soft music to put romance back in the air.

.   Schedule date nights.  They turn ordinary Friday and Saturday nights into fun again.   Escape with your partner to an all-new environment.  Add a degree of sexiness to the night.   Visit  a new restaurant, or new city, or place that the two of you have not frequented.   It’s amazing the chemistry a new setting can create.

.   Feel stalled sexually?   Don’t let it overwhelm you.  Reach for a little help, perhaps a natural alternative sexual enhancement product to help get mismatched libidos in synch, double your pleasure and make sex more frequent.   Physical closeness will help you reconnect in many ways.  Enhanced satisfaction will turn mundane and predictable into new and magical.